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Nov. 27th, 2005 @ 07:21 pm Hi.
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
If you're interested in watching a love story being told through letters, then please add astoryunfolds to your friends list. And spread the word around. The world needs more romance.
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To the left of nowhere
Nov. 26th, 2005 @ 11:46 am Timeless
Dear Love,

I found an old diary of mine the other day...black with white and pink flowers on the cover. It caught my eye only because I knew it was filled with my thoughts from a time when I was so carefree - a time when the world was mine to own. As I opened it, my mind reminisced of moments I spent filling the pages with my hopes and dreams, destined to become a great love, or at least, hoping to become a great love.

As I thumbed through the pages, my heart jumped into my throat as my eyes fell upon the name of a love from long ago. I had never experienced a greater transition than from the love I felt for this man. But as I read carefully, the pain of never having experienced a kiss or a touch of love from him lingered like a bad stench from old garbage. Why did I never get to the point of loving him openly? Why did I never express my love for him verbally or sexually? As I continued to read, I realized that I had every intention of opening my heart to him; of telling him (and showing him) all that I had kept inside since our friendship ensued. But Love, you are a funny thing. Yes you are.

My mind traveled back to a time when I first realized I was in love with him. I admit I wasn't even open to the thought of being in love with a man like him. After all, he was not of my ethnicity, and he certainly didn't seem like my type. But Love, you fooled me...tricked me into thinking that only a friendship existed where love would eventually dwell. I fell for the trap like dust to the ground.

It happened on a Saturday afternoon. He had agreed to meet me for lunch at the University campus in our town. I got there a little early so that I could set up a spot for our little picnic and just enjoy the wonderful campus and all of its scenery. The day was absolutley gorgeous. There was not a cloud in the sky. A light summer breeze gently blew across my face as I set up our table and pulled out the wonderful meal I had prepared for us. I couldn't put my finger on it, but at the exact moment, I suddenly felt excited. Love, what was this? He was only a friend...a good friend, and I never saw him as anything other than that.

What's that? I see him waving to me as he walks across the grass. He seems so happy to see me. Smiling and waving. I cocked my head to the side with curiosity. 'What the hell is he so happy about? it's just lunch.'

"Hello...how are you?" he asks, the light catching his beautiful blue/grey eyes from the side.

"Hi. I've got our lunch all together here. Just give me a minute while I finish setting up."

I felt a little twinge in my stomach. 'What if he doesn't like it? Oh hell...what do I care? He's getting a free meal.' I sit down to the table and he joins me.

We start talking and next thing I know, we've eaten the food and a couple of hours have passed. The sun is at the point where it's going to start setting soon so I suggest we take a walk around the gorgeous campus. He agrees and we begin our walk.....talking....laughing. Just enjoying the company. Something inside me makes me reach for his hand. He accepts and I smile. We keep talking and talking...walking and walking. We find a spot where we lean against the fence facing one another just talking. Suddenly, there is a pause and I look into his eyes. O my god!!! Love what have you done to me?!!!

It is precisely at this moment that a rush of feelings flood my senses. I'm in love with him? I'm in LOVE WITH HIM???!!!! O my god I'm in love with him. Suddenly, I start to realize that I've been in love with him all this time....ALL THIS TIME???!!!! Shit! I have to tell him. But I never do.

The diary ends in account where he becomes very frustrated with me and tells me that we can never be anything more than friends. I never told him how I felt, and he wanted nothing to do with me. We remained friends for a little while longer, but soon the pain was too great for me to deal with so I stopped writing, calling, talking with him.

Love why do we have to go through these moments? Moments like these are timeless.
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Oct. 16th, 2005 @ 01:53 am Lingering
Have you ever wanted someone you couldn't have, and you shouldn't have? 'Have' is such a bad word in these situations - it's not as if he belongs to you, or you to him. I'm sitting here with that familiar lilt in my heart, the one you feel when you're falling for someone. Butterflies not only in your stomach, but in your heart. Except this time, you know it won't happen, and it shouldn't happen. But you can't help that feeling, and you try to push it away.

I met up with my ex-boyfriend (who also happened to be my first relationship) yesterday, after not seeing him for about seven months. We'd stop decently contacting each other for over half a year, a bad fall out. Busy lives meant I had no time to deal with issues that may have arose from heartache/heartbreak, and I'd gone back home to a different country. But then a few days ago I had free time - and wanted 'closure', get it all cleared up from my life. Just a lot of unsettled issues, a lot of unnecessary anger and hostility. Almost hatred and open cruelty on his part. We'd each gone our own ways with spiteful words. We had a very bad breakup. Stormed out of each other's lives explosively. Almost literally. An explosive reaction, and we never cleared it up until yesterday. The first conversation we had after the while had me in tears, he was cold and callous, which had me offensive and defensive all at once. He called back the next day, we agreed to meet yesterday.

Met him, and we had a good time. Initially he was on a downer, in a foul and walled-up mood. But the evening progressed, and by the time it was night, he was smiling and laughing constantly. The most cheerful and playful I've ever seen him, actually. Went to a restaurant, shared a meal, breaking ice effectively. Walked around the city, stopped in different places, eventually tucked away on a quiet street with echoes of the birds, hiding from the rush of the city. Sorted things out between ourselves, kind of. Walked around a bit more, a new corner, talked while admiring the night.

On the way as he walked me back to the train station, I told him I'd come to say goodbye. He said he figured that out already. But by that time, I didn't feel like saying goodbye anymore. We lingered in front of the train station, I had my train to catch; he had his at another station, departing earlier than mine by a few minutes. He knows he's about to miss his train if he doesn't go now, I know that if I go to drop him off I'll miss my train. And both of them are the last trains home. Just stood there with a heaviness between us, neither of us looking like we wanted to leave. I didn't know what to do except look at him and smiled, "Bye", with a little wave.

He drew me in for a hug. All the while we'd met, we hadn't touch each other, not even slightly. Both taken extra care to avoid it. "Bye," he murmured.
"Bye..." I repeated, tried to sound firm. But ended up coming out listlessly lingering, the shadow of a sad smile now playing on my lips.
"I hope it's not bye forever..."
"I...bye...I came to say bye." Put my hand on his chest, over his heart instinctively, but made myself draw it away. He just held me close for a while, and the closeness of his body made me ache. All too familiar. The way his chest moved beneath my hand with each breath, the way he smelled, the heat of his body through his shirt, the warmness of his breath on my forehead. I pulled away, as we both knew I should.

He took my free hand (I was holding my purse in the other one) in his, running his fingers over mine slowly, entwined fingers. His other hand rested resiliently on my waist, traces of the hug. We were both too close to each other. Raised my head and looked into his face, the eye contact made me feel weak. Looked away. He drew me against him again when I did, kissed my hair.
I whispered with more than a trace of sad honesty in my voice, "I did love you..."
"As did I." He pressed me in closer yet, and I tried to keep our bodies apart. "And I...Maybe..."
"Huh? Maybe what?"
"Maybe. You know what maybe." I didn't know, but I looked up at him, and his eyes said it all. Either that was his eyes, or it was my heart silently speaking. Maybe I still do love you. And I thought I'd been over him months and months ago, and likewise.

Standing on tiptoes, and coming up only to his chin, I looked at him and his eyes lingered, just like everything else. Thinking, I would kiss him goodbye, but I shouldn't. This is so wrong. He's in a new relationship and he's going to get married. One of his hand still holding mine, the other firm on my back. I'm not supposed to be in his arms, we're not supposed to be looking at each other like this, I'm not suppose to ache this much from the nearness of him.

I kiss my fingertips and place it on his lips. He nods and kisses them, "This, I understand..."
"I will see you again."
"I don't know."
"Don't make this a permanent goodbye. I want to see you again."
"I don't know. I just...bye. Maybe. I don't know. Bye..."
"Bye..." His lips said bye, but his eyes said so much more. Too much more. Mine probably reflected the same.

I feel so weak now. All this is wrong. It was supposed to be goodbye, for good. It wasn't supposed to be us lingering so, as though we didn't want to part, as though our bodies were drawn together by a magnet, as though our eyes wanted to stay locked forever. It wasn't supposed to be that poignant, that reluctant. He's going to get married. I'm not one to get in between relationships, and I think that what he has in his new relationship is something that's rare and I would not dare graze it. I know I won't. Just writing this now because my heart's being disobedient.
About this Entry
Oct. 7th, 2005 @ 12:27 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: crushedmiserable
Current Music: old ; a different kind of pain
It feels to me like you want nothing to do with me - or at least that is how you make it sound. as painful as having a world full of upheaval is - i know how it is to suddenly have the floor drop out from underfoot, maybe not in the same way since i do not know what is happening in your world, but i have had it happen a few times - i can speak from experience when i say that in most circumstances having some sort of sense of stability, even if it is just one thing, can really help in terms of rebuilding your life, regaining your footing, and not going any further off the deep end. i was willing to be that one little bit of stability for you, i wanted to be. and you are acting like you couldn't give a shit either way or that i am wasting my time caring. that feels an awful lot like rejection.

are you trying to hurt me? are you trying to push me away? if so, you might just be succeeding. but before you try any harder, dig down deep inside yourself, past the confusion and the stress and all of the other shit that is cluttering your mind. think back to August, to the first week of September, think back to how it felt when we started talking again and planning for me to visit, and how it felt when i was there, and how you felt after i left. think of all you felt before it all got complicated. keeping that in mind, be very careful of what you are doing right now, because what was there may not be something you can come back to.

is there someone else who's doing what i can't because i am here and you are there? is there someone else who is now what i thought i was to you, and what you made me think i was to you? you are very inconsistent right now - one minute you are glad i am calling and you care so much about me and you'd be with me in a minute if i was there... and the next you act as if i am a nuisance or someone that doesn't matter and i am wasting your time. which is the truth?

i cannot allow myself to love you, to feel things for you, if you act like i am nothing to you. i absolutely cannot.
About this Entry
Oct. 7th, 2005 @ 06:01 am Good Morning, Baby

Hey baby. Here's your paper. I'm sorry, but I forget how to do a proper works cited page. I'll include two links to websites you can use as sources. Just use your text book as a book source and if you want to, search google or amazon for another book or two that you can say you used as a source. I hope this paper is good for you :).

I love you, Kristin. I'm sorry for all the shit that happened the other night. I was just really hurt when I read that on AIM. I know you didn't mean it, and I realized how precious our love really is. I couldn't stop shaking after I hung up to the phone on you. I couldn't bring myself to call you because of how ashamed I was for saying what I said. I was just looking at the phone on my table, praying for it to ring with your name on the caller ID. I never want to lose you and I'll stop using the threat of breaking up with you against you, because I really, truly never want to lose you. Hearing you in tears saying, "You promised to never hurt me" is something that is going to haunt me for so long...and I never want to hurt you sweetheart. I only want to love you for the rest of my life. Forever. I never meant that word more truly then I do now. With you, I want forever to be more than just a word. I want it to be a promise and a life and a eternity with you by my side, as long as you can get me into Heaven, 'cause right now I'm not on the list.

I want us to live our lives together, I want our lives to be one. I can not wait until we can live on our own and you can do the things you want to do and say the things you want to say. I would love us to get married outside, because you know that church horseshit isn't really my kind of thing anyway.

You're amazing. I hate to bring her up, but I really never thought I'd be able to commit, let alone talk about a future and marriage after Mandi. You fixed that hurt. You took away that anger. You remember how a few months into our relationship, I would try to talk about the future, about marriage, kids, a home...but I just kept saying, "if we make it..."...there's no if anymore and I don't think about saying something like I'm going to marry you...because I am....and I hope everyone knows it. I hope every knows how much I love you and that despite anything, I'm going to do everything to make sure we last forever.

I know that me saying that is just me being "a naive kid" but I'm not afraid to be that anymore. You fixed me. You made me happy again, and if believing we can make it makes me naive, then I am proud to be naive. I can't wait to see you tonight baby. I hope I can get out of work so that I can be there all the earlier. I can't wait to plug in the movie and curl up with you and watch it with you and hold you in my arms and listen to your beautiful breathing and run my hands across your smooth skin and through you soft brown hair and whisper in your ear "I love you" and not be able to hear you when your lips move to tell me that you love me. I can't wait to see your beautiful smile and I pray that you'll be waiting for me outside when I pull up and you'll jump into my arms and I'll pick you up and bring you back down so that we can kiss each other.

Well, I guess you're late for school now because of how fucking long this e-mail is, because you know how I can get off track...so I love you sweetheart!! Have a great day today, and I'll see you around six. I can't wait!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!

- Yours forever, Love,

About this Entry
Oct. 5th, 2005 @ 12:53 am ever feel like you can't express your intense emotions...without offending someone? thats why...
Current Mood: listlesslistless
Current Music: "somewhere out there"

dear friends,

ever feel like you can't express your intense emotions...without offending someone? thats why... I love when I'm in love with that special person... cuz then I can finally express all my intense emotions about all kinds of stuff in the world.... to someone without havin to worry that they're offended.

if for no other reason, thats one of the greatest things about being in love,

-love for the people,


"somewhere out there" there is one we can all talk to with our defenses down...


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Sep. 20th, 2005 @ 05:35 am I just want to express my love for everyone who is choosing to stay away from Starbucks. Much love!
Current Music: Imagine by John Lennon

Dear friends,

K... and I are activists and I love her for the way she looks out for others and she cares for all people all over the world.

I just want to take this moment to express my mystical, and appreciative love for everyone who is choosing to stay away from Starbucks.  I love each and everyone of you deeply because I know sometimes your friends try to convince you to go, but your love for others keeps you out of Starbucks.

Starbucks exploits, abuses, tortures, steals and worst of all they promote internationally networked exploitation amongst the many multinational-corporate stores in which they breed like a virus, such as Barnes & Nobles, Borders, Safeway etc.,.

Here you will find an article, which details Starbucks many abuses.  It would make a good love letter to send to the one you love who doesn't understand why Starbucks is so bad.

Here you will find and article, at the bottom of which lists ways to take action against Starbucks from everywhere

Deep love for you all, your actions make a difference, real lovin for everyone,

love for the people,


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Sep. 9th, 2005 @ 01:02 pm (no subject)
Cara Michaela,
come puoi vedere ti sto scrivendo la tua tanto desiderata lettera: non so per quanto riuscirò a scrivere perché come ben sai sono una persone di poche puole e la mia grafia é al quanto piccola, ma per cercare di rendoti felice ti scrivo in italiano (lo faccio anche perchè come ben sa) non so parlare un perfetto inglese e di consequenza non so neanche scrivere.
comunque in questa lettera voglio solo esprimere la mia gratitudine per tutto quello che hai fatto per me durante la mia permanenza a Napa; abbiamo avuto un bel po' di avventure e ci siamo divotiti. Ecco... ora come vedi sono bella merda perché non so più cosa scrivere... vabbe semplicemente volevo ringrazierti, poi il resto te lo dico via e-mail quando mi verro in mente. Può ti chiedo solo un favore:
non c'é alcun motivo di esserlo, perciò sorridi e penso al futuro.
con affetto,

[note:some words are Sardo]
About this Entry
Aug. 25th, 2005 @ 08:05 pm Dear you
You know who you are.

From day one, we were soul mates... as if there is such a thing. It's been 5 years and you still warm my heart, brighten my day, make me sad, cry with me, and profess your love for me that nobody but you and I understand.

To hold you is divine, if only for a moment. Your soft arms around me is a touch hardly bearable. Yet, our lips are not to meet and I find that extraordinary.

When you sing, your voice is so beautiful that I get chills. When you cry, it kills me that I can't wipe your tears and kiss you softly on the cheek. When you dream, you dream hard and it scares me.

Five years, and I still love you so. Doesn't even matter that you've shied away in those times, as well as I... the love has always been there and always will be.

I wonder some days, is it real? Then I wonder if you wonder the same and I'm sure sometimes you do.

Now, I thank you. Thank you so much for letting it be what it is. Thank you so much for not having a crush on me or making me have one on you. Thank you for being there for me so many times and allowing me to do the same. That doesn't include the times you completely ignored me *raises brow*.

Here's to many more years
many more tears
and even more cheers
and, of cours, the jeers

I love you.

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Aug. 24th, 2005 @ 09:26 am (no subject)
Dear you,

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You are me but boy and with dreadlocks. This whole "thing" is really hard for me to even try and put into words because I haven't known you for that long and I shouldn't be feelings everything that I have, but its hard because I've never met anyone like you. Theres just something. Something in the way you talk, something in your smile, something in your kiss. Something.

I wanted to kiss you so badly last night. Couldn't you tell? Could you truely not tell by me writing "Charlie = a beautiful emo boy" on your arm, the way whenever I yawned my head magicly fell on your shoulder, and how I kissed you on the corner of your mouth when I was about to leave, praying that would give you at least some hint of what I wanted. I wanted to tell you how safe I felt when we hugged. Like nothing could stop us, like when our arms were wrapped around each other, there was something protecting us.

I let you inside. Inside my mind, inside my heart, inside me, inside my room, inside of that part of myself I leave restricted for people I've known forever. How did you ever manage to get in there? Will you ever come out?

You're just afraid. Afraid of how you feel. Afraid of getting hurt, or hurting someone. You're just like every other boy I've ever wanted. Afraid of something, or anything. I'm a big girl now, love. I can take a little pain.

The emoest girl you've ever met.
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